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31 May 2004 | Draft

Marketable Tales of the Exploits of Osama bin Laden

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Regrets are now being expressed by the western media -- notably The New York Times as newspaper of record -- concerning their role in misrepresenting the threat of Iraq and its weapons of mass destruction [more | more]. The question is whether this pattern has also determined the representation of the role of Osama bin Laden in the Middle East and elsewhere -- given that the evidence backing such claims has not been presented for independent verification, for reasons of "national security". Indeed, as with Iraq, there remains some probability that the association of actual terrorist incidents with Bin Laden has been hastily made (notably by the media) in the absence of any evidence, other than claims to that effect from interested parties -- whether fundamentalists or government agencies.

In promoting the unconfirmed stories about the role of Osama bin Laden through the media, required to demonstrate loyalty in the "war against terrorism", there seems to have been an opportunity missed by the intelligence services of the Coalition of the Willing. A new source of funds could be developed -- beyond those already obtained by appropriating Iraqi oil resources, protecting the production of opium in Afghanistan (as previously in the Golden Triangle), and ensuring healthy sales by their arms industries. It would seem that the creative government approach to news management could be extended to ensure what are technically termed "media tie-ins" relating to reported incidents of terrorism -- with which the name of Osama bin Laden is associated (in anticipation of any unnecessary factual confirmation). Corporations already intimately involved in profit generation from the "war against terror", have a clear interest in developing these associated marketing opportunities.

Although exposure is no longer the main reason why many companies invest in media tie-in sponsorships (especially in the case of arms manufacturing), it remains an important benefit in the pursuit of shareholder value. The larger the audience that the Coalition can expose to its message through such tie-ins, the more valuable its initiative becomes as a source of revenue. Media companies should therefore be the first targets in the Coalition's solicitation strategy as their involvement can dramatically increase the audience reach for both a terrorism news event and for associated sponsors. This has been dramatically demonstrated in the case of media coverage of Iraq. In exchange for providing the media with official information regarding such an event -- or confirming the results of their investigations, the Coalition receives advertising space which can then be featured in promotional packages to attract subsequent sponsors foe the marketing initiative.

As demonstrated by the massive increase in arms sales since 9/11, Osama bin Laden is clearly an ideal marketing vehicle through which to promote support for the military-industrial complex of the Coalition, as well as for their intelligence agencies.

Given the world-wide success of the Asterix series in many languages, it is therefore proposed that a similar marketing concept be developed in relation to media stories about Osama bin Laden -- through books and associated media tie-ins (T-shirts, posters, etc) produced to celebrate his legendary adventures at different times. Those marked by an asterisk (*) might be expected to be of widest appeal.

Books

  • 1981 - Osama bin Laden the Gaul
  • 1982 - Osama bin Laden and the Golden Sickle
  • 1983 - Osama bin Laden and the Goths
  • 1984 - Osama bin Laden the Gladiator
  • 1985 - Osama bin Laden and the Banquet
  • 1985 - Osama bin Laden and Cleopatra
  • 1986 - Osama bin Laden and the Big Fight (*)
  • 1986 - Osama bin Laden in Britain (*)
  • 1987 - Osama bin Laden and the Normans
  • 1987 - Osama bin Laden the Legionary
  • 1988 - Osama bin Laden and the Chieftain's Shield
  • 1988 - Osama bin Laden at the Olympic Games (*)
  • 1989 - Osama bin Laden and the Cauldron
  • 1989 - Osama bin Laden in Spain (*)
  • 1990 - Osama bin Laden and the Roman Agent
  • 1990 - Osama bin Laden in Switzerland
  • 1991 - The Mansions of the Gods
  • 1992 - Osama bin Laden and the Laurel Wreath
  • 1992 - Osama bin Laden and the Soothsayer
  • 1993 - Osama bin Laden in Corsica
  • 1994 - Osama bin Laden and Caesar's Gift (*)
  • 1995 - Osama bin Laden and the Great Crossing
  • 1996 - Obelix and Co.
  • 1999 - Osama bin Laden in Belgium (*)
  • 2000 - Osama bin Laden and the Great Divide
  • 2001 - Osama bin Laden and the Black Gold (*)
  • 2001 - Osama bin Laden and Son
  • 2002 - Osama bin Laden and the Magic Carpet
  • 2002 - Osama bin Laden and the Secret Weapon (*)
  • 2003 - Osama bin Laden and Obelix All at Sea
  • 2003 - Osama bin Laden and the Actress
  • 2004 - Osama bin Laden and the Class Act (*)

Films

Many of Osama bin Laden's adventures could also been made into films:

  • 1987 - Osama bin Laden the Gaul
  • 1988 - Osama bin Laden and Cleopatra
  • 1996 - The Twelve Tasks of Osama bin Laden (*)
  • 1996 - Osama bin Laden Versus Caesar (*)
  • 1996 - Osama bin Laden in Britain (*)
  • 1999 - Osama bin Laden and the Big Fight (*)
  • 2001 - Osama bin Laden Conquers America (*)
  • 2002 - Osama bin Laden and Obelix Take On Caesar (*)
  • 2003 - Osama bin Laden & Obelix: Mission Cleopatra
  • 2005 - Osama bin Laden and the Vikings

Related opportunities

Similar inspiration could be sought from the famed stories of the Incomparable Mullah Nasruddin of the Middle East. This is especially the case because, just as Asterix is famed for his strategic cunning under diverse circumstances, Osama bin Laden's strategic thinking might have in part been derived from his exposure to the exploits of Nasruddin. This should make the tales especially valuable to the intelligence services -- beyond whatever income might be generated by production of the books. Consideration could be given to associating any products with the name of Mullah Omar, the much sought strategist of Osama bin Laden. But this would probably dilute the marketing effect. Examples of tales associated with Osama bin Laden might therefore include:

  • Osama bin Laden Out On A Limb
  • Osama bin Laden and The Path Up Here
  • Osama bin Laden Looking for Eggs
  • Osama bin Laden Climbing the Great Pyramid
  • Osama bin Laden and The Grand Plan
  • Osama bin Laden and The Olive Trees and the Driftwood
  • Osama bin Laden and Clever Peter in the Cherry Orchard
  • Osama bin Laden and the Donkey [more]
  • Osama bin Laden and the Altar [more]
  • Osama bin Laden and the Wise Men
  • Osama bin Laden and the Gold [more]
  • Osama bin Laden and the Soup [more]
  • Osama bin Laden and the Source of Happiness
  • Osama bin Laden and the Falcon
  • Osama bin Laden and the King
  • Osama bin Laden and the Glutton [more]
  • Osama bin Laden Planting the Garden [more]
  • Osama bin Laden and the Pumpkins and Acorns [more]
  • Osama bin Laden on Why Camels Have No Wings [more]
  • Osama bin Laden on Is It Me? [more]
  • Osama bin Laden and Laziness [more]
  • Osama bin Laden and The Right Shoe [more]
  • Osama bin Laden and Have you Got It? [more]
  • Osama bin Laden and The Brave Guests [more]
  • Osama bin Laden and Who Are Your Going to Believe? [more]
  • Osama bin Laden and Ask My Donkey [more]
  • Osama bin Laden on Lost Again [more]
  • Osama bin Laden and the Music Lessons [more]
  • Osama bin Laden on That Darn Wind [more]
  • Osama bin Laden on This is for Last Week [more]
  • Osama bin Laden and A Man of His Word [more]
  • Osama bin Laden and Fair is Fair [more]
  • Osama bin Laden and A High Wind [more]
  • Osama bin Laden On Forgetfulness [more]
  • Osama bin Laden and A Fool [more]
  • Osama bin Laden and The Truth [more]
  • Osama bin Laden and Language [more]
  • Osama bin Laden on House Moving [more]
  • Osama bin Laden and Drying Flour [more]
  • Osama bin Laden and the Old Grave [more]
  • Osama bin Laden and The Value of Thinking Ahead [more]
  • Osama bin Laden and An Elephant [more]
  • Osama bin Laden and A Close Call [more]
  • Osama bin Laden ad Three Fridays [more]
  • Osama bin Laden on Seeing in the Dark [more]
  • Osama bin Laden on Too Dark in There [more]
  • Osama bin Laden and Who Am I? [more]
  • Osama bin Laden and Getting a Drink [more]
  • Osama bin Laden and Saving the Moon [more]
  • Osama bin Laden and The Value of the Moon [more]
  • Osama bin Laden and The Sound of One Hand Clapping [more]
  • Osama bin Laden and The Other Three Percent [more]
  • Osama bin Laden and The Special Seed [more]

Proactive opportunities

Osama bin Laden's name, and that of al-Qaeda, has been willingly associated by the media with any violent incident -- conveniently omitting "allegedly", since it is envisaged that he will never be in a position to sue for misrepresentation. Given this media facility, the above strategy, and its tie-ins, could be extended to a different series of marketing concepts. These would focus attention on the role of Osama bin Laden as the responsibile party in relation to a wider series of problems (from which it has unfortunately been possible to divert resources in support of the security needs of the "war against terrorism"). Examples of books and videos that this series might include are therefore:

  • Osama bin Laden and Global Warming
  • Osama bin Laden and AIDS
  • Osama bin Laden and Unemployment
  • Osama bin Laden and the Pensions Crisis
  • Osama bin Laden and World Hunger
  • Osama bin Laden and Inflation
  • Osama bin Laden and Illegal Immigration
  • Osama bin Laden and Environmental Pollution
  • Osama bin Laden and Water Shortages
  • Osama bin Laden and the International Drug Trade
  • Osama bin Laden and Crime
  • Osama bin Laden and Official Corruption
  • Osama bin Laden and Pornography
  • Osama bin Laden and Natural Disasters
  • Osama bin Laden and Traffic Congestion
  • Osama bin Laden and the Trade in Endangered Species
  • Osama bin Laden and Homelessness
  • Osama bin Laden and the Arms Trade
  • Osama bin Laden and Religious Intolerance
  • Osama bin Laden and Cultural Imperialism
  • Osama bin Laden and Disappearances
  • Osama bin Laden and Ineffectual International Institutions
  • Osama bin Laden and the Democratic Deficit
  • Osama bin Laden and Political Apathy
  • Osama bin Laden and International Debt
  • Osama bin Laden and Dangerous Asteroids
  • Osama bin Laden and Internet Viruses
  • Osama bin Laden and Domestic Violence
  • Osama bin Laden and Mental Depression
  • Osama bin Laden and Media Misrepresentation

For such marketing strategies to be sustainable, it is vital that the Coalition's security forces avoid capturing Osama bin Laden -- or proving that they have destroyed him. However their skills in this respect with regard to those sought in former Yugoslavia, for war crimes in the 1990's, indicates that they would have no difficulty in sustaining their efforts for the duration of the "war against terrorism".


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